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Domestic Violence FAQs
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors exerted by one individual in order to control or exercise power over his/her partner in the context of an intimate relationship.
What are some examples of abusive behavior?
Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, choking, pushing, pulling hair, pinching, being held against your will.
Sexual Abuse: Any type of forced sexual activity, from rape to unwelcome touching.
Emotional Abuse: Name calling, degrading remarks, continuous criticism for anything you do or say.
Threats/Intimidation: Threatening to do harm or kill themselves, you, a family member or a child; threatening to leave.
Isolation: Holding you against your will; not letting you contact friends or family; not allowing access to the telephone or vehicle.
Using Children: Threatening to take the children away; making accusations of being a bad or unfit parent; threatening to harm children if you don't agree; using the child's feelings as a way of control; making a child take sides in an argument.
How big is the problem of domestic violence?
Domestic violence is the #1 cause of injury to women in the United States.
4000 women are killed each year as a result of domestic violence in our country.
A women is being abused by her partner every 9 seconds.
1 in 3 women will be battered sometime in her life.
Why don't women just leave an abusive relationship?
There are many factors which influence a woman's decision about whether to remain in an abusive relationship: fear, love, children, lack of financial resources, pressure from family and friends, no support network, immigration status, physical limitations are some examples of why women may stay.
How does domestic violence affect children?
Children are the silent victims of domestic violence. They are affected directly and indirectly as a result of the abuse they witness, or in many cases, jointly endure. Children may feel confused, stressed, afraid, ashamed or responsible. Boys who see their fathers beat their mothers are ten times more likely to be abusive in their adult intimate relationships.
What effect does immigration status have on domestic violence victims?
Immigrant women, particular undocumented immigrant women have an additional set of barriers to contend with. In addition to fears of deportation, language barriers and a lack of knowledge about laws and available resources further isolate battered immigrant women.
What can be done to help a person in an abusive relationship?
Be available to listen objectively if someone asks for help. Encourage the person to contact a domestic violence agency. Recognize the complexity of her situation and how difficult it may be for her experience with you. Emphasize that help is available when she is ready to make a change in her life. Remind her that she does not deserve to be abused; the abuse is not her fault.
What should a domestic violence victim do if she decides to stay?
Ø Develop a safety plan.
Ø Be prepared to dial 911 and teach your children how to as well.
Ø Try to stay out of the kitchen, bathroom, and garage during violence.
Ø Have a plan about a safe place to go if you need to leave in a hurry. Think about how you will get there, and what you will need to take.
Ø Tell a neighbor or someone you trust about the abuse, and arrange to signal them when you need help.
What is a safety plan?
A safety plan is an individualized strategy developed by the victim with the help of a domestic violence advocate, which delineates the specific tactics the victim will use to keep her safe and/or the details of her escape plan.
What should a victim do when developing an escape plan?
Ø Know all the exits to your home.
Ø Choose a safe time to leave.
Ø Keep a spare set of house and car keys in a safe place.
Ø Keep a packed bag in a safe place with:
o Important documents and phone numbers
o Emergency cash
o Medicine, glasses, etc.
o A change of clothes for you and your children
Where can a domestic violence victim go if she has no relatives or friends in the area, or if she needs to keep her location hidden from her batter?
There are many shelters for battered women throughout the U.S. For information about the shelter nearest you, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE. In the South Santa Clara County area, call La Isla Pacifica at (408) 683-4118.
What is La Isla Pacifica?
La Isla Pacifica (Peaceful Island) is an emergency safe house for women and children escaping abusive relationships. Residents receive housing and job assistance, food and clothing, individualized safety planning, life skills education, counseling and legal assistance during their stay.
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